No-Good-Blogger

I am not a very good blogger! Actually, I think its a good sign that I have not been posting much lately.  I have been busy getting back to my life.

On February 28th I had my final fill in my expanders. My plastic surgeon gave me a little fill when she first put the expanders in (after the breast surgeon did my mastectomies), and then a month later I had a fill, and then two weeks after that was my final fill. I feel like I got off easy. I know some women who have to have many more fills than that and go to twice the ccs in volume.  We are at a happy place, my expanders and I.  Maybe happy is not the truth. We are co-existing peacefully. I think the volume is right for me.  The expanders, though, are not lovely. They are wonky! This one sticks out here; that one juts up there. I am just as asymmetrical as I was pre-op, but in a different and wacky way.  Must be why my fellow PBMers (aka Bosom Buddies, BRCA+ sisters), call them "Frankenboobs." Beyond their wonkiness, they are just plain uncomfortable.  It feels as if I have a very bulky and tight underwire bra on, sub-dermally.  To myself I have been calling them my prostheses. I have prosthetic breasts. They are not fake as in "she has fake boobs," but they are fake, and they do not feel like they are really a part of me.  I am sure it doesn't help that I have no sensation in the skin and nipples and that I bump into things and feel it somewhere else, like my chest underneath the expanders, or in my armpit.  I am reassured though, by the women who have gone before me, that once the expanders are out and the implants are in, called "The Exchange," everything feels much better.

Trying to be objective, I can say that each week my chest feels better than the week before. I had no pain during the expansion fills, even though a needle was pushed straight through my skin and muscle into the expander below. I felt sore for a couple days after each fill and limited myself from carrying anything over about ten pounds. Ibuprofen helped on those days.

So getting back to my life since my last post has been like this:
my daughters, my mother and I took turns with a stomach flu!!
I started driving again,
I often take one or the other daughter to school, sometimes both,
I started sleeping with them again (not exactly sure how that one happened!),
I work on some art a couple times a week,
I have eased back into yoga (thank-God-thank-God),
I have exercised a few times and hope to establish a low key practice again (I should say low-impact),
I saw my gynecological oncologist for my yearly exam and CA125 blood test,
I saw my breast surgeon, she said she liked how everything looked, took pictures and said I don't have to see her again for six months and then only once a year thereafter,
I am planning my older daughter's 5th birthday,
and I turned 39.

A few days ago I caught a nasty cold and have spent yesterday and today at home by myself. Resting, drinking lots of fluids, and watching television and reading. I am a little nervous about a pink area on one breast. It looks slightly inflamed. I outlined it in green extra-fine sharpie and took a picture so I can track it for a couple days. My plastic surgeon said due to the foreign objects in there, my chest is more vulnerable to infection when the rest of me picks something up.  Also, I have been having strange pains in my chest that are different from what I have felt before.  I have been much more active lately, so the pains might just be from that. I worry that I over did it with the exercise, so I am getting as much rest in as I can.  And, of course, trying not to obsess about it.

Because of the online communities I am a part of, I very frequently hear of yet another young woman diagnosed with breast cancer. Some with the BRCA mutation, some without. I am humbled by my circumstances and so grateful to have been able to make the choices I have made to reduce my risk of cancer.